I · feel · so

Okay last time, pretty please. I know I pledged a 'Time Out' in the previous entry. But yikes, these fingers itch more for the keyboard rather than fiddling with those pencils and erasers. Disrobe me, I ought to be sent for rehab.

Girls, listen up. I'm not a songwriter, neither am I a perfectionist author. Come on, having some originality don't suck that bad, no? Really, satisfaction is yours to own if you stick to just being yourself, and stop plagiarising my entries. I'm not joined to your hip. I don't feel the same way you do, but yet the occurences of my life seem to intersect with yours? Come on, come on, speak up and iterate what you really wanna say with your own words. English is English. I don't blame you if your sentences have 'the', 'me', 'I' or any other present words in the dictionary, but it kinda gets really fishy when my sentence structure kinda get similar to yours. & certainly, it can't be a mere coincidence when it happens all the time, does it? You're pretty, you're beautiful, you're smart. Use it ;]

My day was fine, just that Stad says he still wants to act like he's mad at me, though I know he can't resist my presence. NYAHNYAH, I think he gets rather adorable at times. Here this Mr Boyfriend, I'm all yours tomorrow, I mean today. You can cook, you can clean, I'll be there to enjoy the fruits of your labour. He invited Emily(that wonderlous chic cousin of his) over instead since I couldn't make it yesterday, and right after break fast she texted me 'Your bad, he cooks delicious spag' DAMN, that would be a lot more appetising than that bland Claypot thingy thingy I had at Simpang Bedok with the schoolmates yesterday. Nevertheless after that, At & I were once again attacked by our fit of uncontrollable giggles upon trying the 'British woman' look, with all the pretty ribbon-y gloves and fury, flamboyant hats at Isetan. I swear we look so posh and of course, VOOOGGGUUUEEEE, as she says it. & yea, hope you recover in time for Hari Raya from your eye pimple. ;] Cute girl, with the cutest disease.

Today, this comical cartoon friend of mine(READ;Iffah) and I went for a tini mini study session after our Malay Mock Exam -  yeah tell me about it. Studying was cool, but I loved the latter. Iffah and I went stalking this guy whom she apparently had this strong crush for since she sat opposite him in the library yesterday. We were walking a few steps before him when we left the library, and all the while that cute girl went hysterical with laughter and was going 'OMG omg he's so cute, he's so cute'
Well, he has a good bod.

Teehee, now I'm feeling high and giggly in the wee morning, with the companionship of several O'level candidates who arrived at the conclusion that studying makes them horny. 

PS. I know my 'fans' hate the comment drop for LJ but I can't seem to fit a tagboard. Like doh. Sorry for the mean time, but I shall think of something.

Till then
Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous
(& this marks my last sentence)

Don't mind the previous entry. It was just one of those days. 

& I love Stad more 'cause somehow seeing someone so concerned and getting disconcerted over his fellow girlfriend's bad day is just so comforting and warm. I was sent to school, cajoled like a sinless teen and he managed to draw a heartfelt smile on my face after so long. I am always the victim to your hero, and I love you so ;]

I guess I woke up today, feeling much more rejuvenated and less crappy and moody, though my mama was still persistent in not wanting to give up her oh so antic dining table so as to make the house look so much more spacious. My mama -.- She still loves the classic look my house is adorning now that she refuses to add a little colour in our dull apartment, even a little bit. & did I tell you, Amin Juman has got a red Mickey Mouse curtain hanging in his room? Well thanks again, to the momma in the house. I bet he's gonna scream and screech when he returns from Tekong. SO GAY!

So what got me up in running for today was meeting up with the schoolgirls, I mean, MEANGIRLS(as we're labelled) and having our usual chitty chatty. However, the attempt to clear things up with that banana milkshake girl failed miserably as both of us got so ridiculous and high waiting for our pizza that came only an hour after ordering. & right after that, we began talking senselessly for the next hour while munching and goofing, and I was back preying on small cute kids while that girl carried on with her pretense of not acknowledging me.





After all the burps and heavy tummy churning, we walked aimlessly and took some time laughing at random celebrities whose faces and poses somehow tickled our humour cells. That DATIN K, who was pretty unrecognisable due to her weight gain, I reckon, and that guy whom that bananagirl insisted was Hrithik Roshan when he looks like a wild ape.

TSKTSK, MARRY IS ASKING FOR A SPANK.

& ouh, I think I found my second heartbeat, BRANDON FLOWERS.
Excluding his goatie and whatnot facial hair his face is masked with now, I think he's just so fine fine fine ;]

Till then, I think I shall get my eyes fixated on alphabets and numbers, due to the upcoming Os.
SOOOOOOO...



Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous

I woke up today to find the apartment empty, yet again. I stepped in the showers and stared upon my reflection in the mirror. Somehow hot tears started welling up in those beady eyes again, and I find myself searching for that nicotine refuge. I turned the tap and colourless liquid poured out. I stood rooted to the floor, letting those fine droplets drench my soul in bitter melancholy. Those priceless tears gradually camouflage themselves into water, and soon I fell into tranquility.

I got myself dressed, and planned on a lonesome study trip. God was angry and wetted the earth. So I stayed in for quite a bit for His anger to soothe, and got myself doing some recollections. Somehow being alone with yourself gives you ample time and space to breathe and just let go. You'll never know what's around the bend. 

I'm not particularly thrilled with the way I run my life. I know friends are still residing in their hypocrisy town. I do still practise smoking as a refuge despite the existence of human beings. & I realise the absolute reliance on my therapist, though this declaration of independance yearns to be freed. I'm aware my parents have their days too, and they can't be happy for me all the time. 

Head still muddled with profuse mind-boggling thoughts, I left home. & I decided to leave Stad's ring alone. I've yet to deal with this inert personality of mine, and I knew he had it. & I don't blame him.

The next few hours were spent in the library, wallowing in books and notes and papers and pens. 

& now, here I am.

Firstly, Amsyar & his goofs can go grow titts cause they cancelled the late night outing at the very last minute when they had all made me oh so excited. PFFFFFT!

ANYWAY, meeting the rempah model and my newly acquainted gian partner Elyssa was refreshing, after eons of not seeing both the Springfield people. Abundant photos were snapped, and roars of laughter was common during the meetup. Ranging from laughing at my own stupidity of handling Mar's phone's camera, to the secret affair with Elyssa in which only Mar understands(?) and the 'same same'(glaglagla!), it was all a blast. 

& Mar, I'm all against cruelty to animals, but not! aniMENGS! I just think your fellow friend ought to get some gunshots in her airy head. I told Mar if I was in her shoes, I'd just be a pure mean bitch to that god damn friend of hers and endure her pathetic existence till I leave school, she shot me this quizzical reply ; 

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE(bersinar abes!) says:
hmm aku tknk jadi mean nor mode nor median



This is the reason why she's Mardhiah, I guess.

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That's all folks,
for now.
Mr Stad wants to treat me to some ice cream.
Sometimes, only he knows how to perk his fellow girlfriend up.
Till then

Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous

Current Mood:	creamyy
Current Music:	Bleeder

I feel like I'm at the end of crossroads, caught in the middle, staring into the sun. I don't want to be selfish but anger is still caught in the body. A little voice in my head says I should be fair to all, but that devil of vengeance is still holding on strong.

STUPID, REALLY STUPID.

-

& HAPPY 45th BIRTHDAY TO ALIJAH ABU BAKAR!
You're the prettiest, loveliest and mummiest mama I could ever search for.
Excluding several rough times we have had with each other, there's nothing that can beat a mother's love that you endlessly shower upon me all these years. You are the world to me, and I love you like a bee loves its honey ;]

Though things ain't right, you have been a good friend.
A happy birthday to you too, Aizat.

Current Mood:

How how how?

Making the most of a bad time, I'm smoking the brains from my head. It's almost hard to imagine living in this household, not a day without stepping out of the house teary-eyed, with a swollen, glum face. I'm tired of being bored.  I'm through with headaches at night. And my hands, they tremble like earthquakes and the mind starts to shake.  There will be a day when the silence of the house promises a exuberant start for a morning, only to be welcomed with a 'Good Mourning' instead. & the rest of the day gets adversely affected.

Watching the tyranny with sober eyes, the daybreak and the sunset. All hours in between spent murdering time and tugging close for a certain shape of hope. But when you lose hope, and start to cope, you find yourself running in circles once again. Was there even anything like that glimmer of light to even start with? 

You took me as a hostage and made your demands. I couldn't meet them and you cut me up one by one. And where do my rights come in during this mediation? Oh forget it. Good fucking bye

 


 


 

Some belated birthday pictures to share.
& guess what?
It's the brother's birthday but sadly, he's nowhere to be found.
Till then Amin Juman, happy birthday and merry ns-ing soon.

Lately, the word 'forgiveness' has been reiterating its definition to me. But REALLY, the question is, is he really worth forgiving. I find myself absolutely astounded to have declared my love for you in front of a friend, asserting to her that I had love for you and only you. Never once did it cross my mind that the word 'love' would be associated with you at all after all that thrash you 'showered' upon me. I feel anger and resentment ignited whenever I recalled reruns of the shits I was drowned with but nevertheless, the heart will be soothed once again with your profuse pleas and gentle demeanour. I have nothing to say but I'm certain I don't want you in my way.