I · feel · so

Okay last time, pretty please. I know I pledged a 'Time Out' in the previous entry. But yikes, these fingers itch more for the keyboard rather than fiddling with those pencils and erasers. Disrobe me, I ought to be sent for rehab.

Girls, listen up. I'm not a songwriter, neither am I a perfectionist author. Come on, having some originality don't suck that bad, no? Really, satisfaction is yours to own if you stick to just being yourself, and stop plagiarising my entries. I'm not joined to your hip. I don't feel the same way you do, but yet the occurences of my life seem to intersect with yours? Come on, come on, speak up and iterate what you really wanna say with your own words. English is English. I don't blame you if your sentences have 'the', 'me', 'I' or any other present words in the dictionary, but it kinda gets really fishy when my sentence structure kinda get similar to yours. & certainly, it can't be a mere coincidence when it happens all the time, does it? You're pretty, you're beautiful, you're smart. Use it ;]

My day was fine, just that Stad says he still wants to act like he's mad at me, though I know he can't resist my presence. NYAHNYAH, I think he gets rather adorable at times. Here this Mr Boyfriend, I'm all yours tomorrow, I mean today. You can cook, you can clean, I'll be there to enjoy the fruits of your labour. He invited Emily(that wonderlous chic cousin of his) over instead since I couldn't make it yesterday, and right after break fast she texted me 'Your bad, he cooks delicious spag' DAMN, that would be a lot more appetising than that bland Claypot thingy thingy I had at Simpang Bedok with the schoolmates yesterday. Nevertheless after that, At & I were once again attacked by our fit of uncontrollable giggles upon trying the 'British woman' look, with all the pretty ribbon-y gloves and fury, flamboyant hats at Isetan. I swear we look so posh and of course, VOOOGGGUUUEEEE, as she says it. & yea, hope you recover in time for Hari Raya from your eye pimple. ;] Cute girl, with the cutest disease.

Today, this comical cartoon friend of mine(READ;Iffah) and I went for a tini mini study session after our Malay Mock Exam -  yeah tell me about it. Studying was cool, but I loved the latter. Iffah and I went stalking this guy whom she apparently had this strong crush for since she sat opposite him in the library yesterday. We were walking a few steps before him when we left the library, and all the while that cute girl went hysterical with laughter and was going 'OMG omg he's so cute, he's so cute'
Well, he has a good bod.

Teehee, now I'm feeling high and giggly in the wee morning, with the companionship of several O'level candidates who arrived at the conclusion that studying makes them horny. 

PS. I know my 'fans' hate the comment drop for LJ but I can't seem to fit a tagboard. Like doh. Sorry for the mean time, but I shall think of something.

Till then
Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous
(& this marks my last sentence)

Don't mind the previous entry. It was just one of those days. 

& I love Stad more 'cause somehow seeing someone so concerned and getting disconcerted over his fellow girlfriend's bad day is just so comforting and warm. I was sent to school, cajoled like a sinless teen and he managed to draw a heartfelt smile on my face after so long. I am always the victim to your hero, and I love you so ;]

I guess I woke up today, feeling much more rejuvenated and less crappy and moody, though my mama was still persistent in not wanting to give up her oh so antic dining table so as to make the house look so much more spacious. My mama -.- She still loves the classic look my house is adorning now that she refuses to add a little colour in our dull apartment, even a little bit. & did I tell you, Amin Juman has got a red Mickey Mouse curtain hanging in his room? Well thanks again, to the momma in the house. I bet he's gonna scream and screech when he returns from Tekong. SO GAY!

So what got me up in running for today was meeting up with the schoolgirls, I mean, MEANGIRLS(as we're labelled) and having our usual chitty chatty. However, the attempt to clear things up with that banana milkshake girl failed miserably as both of us got so ridiculous and high waiting for our pizza that came only an hour after ordering. & right after that, we began talking senselessly for the next hour while munching and goofing, and I was back preying on small cute kids while that girl carried on with her pretense of not acknowledging me.





After all the burps and heavy tummy churning, we walked aimlessly and took some time laughing at random celebrities whose faces and poses somehow tickled our humour cells. That DATIN K, who was pretty unrecognisable due to her weight gain, I reckon, and that guy whom that bananagirl insisted was Hrithik Roshan when he looks like a wild ape.

TSKTSK, MARRY IS ASKING FOR A SPANK.

& ouh, I think I found my second heartbeat, BRANDON FLOWERS.
Excluding his goatie and whatnot facial hair his face is masked with now, I think he's just so fine fine fine ;]

Till then, I think I shall get my eyes fixated on alphabets and numbers, due to the upcoming Os.
SOOOOOOO...



Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous

I woke up today to find the apartment empty, yet again. I stepped in the showers and stared upon my reflection in the mirror. Somehow hot tears started welling up in those beady eyes again, and I find myself searching for that nicotine refuge. I turned the tap and colourless liquid poured out. I stood rooted to the floor, letting those fine droplets drench my soul in bitter melancholy. Those priceless tears gradually camouflage themselves into water, and soon I fell into tranquility.

I got myself dressed, and planned on a lonesome study trip. God was angry and wetted the earth. So I stayed in for quite a bit for His anger to soothe, and got myself doing some recollections. Somehow being alone with yourself gives you ample time and space to breathe and just let go. You'll never know what's around the bend. 

I'm not particularly thrilled with the way I run my life. I know friends are still residing in their hypocrisy town. I do still practise smoking as a refuge despite the existence of human beings. & I realise the absolute reliance on my therapist, though this declaration of independance yearns to be freed. I'm aware my parents have their days too, and they can't be happy for me all the time. 

Head still muddled with profuse mind-boggling thoughts, I left home. & I decided to leave Stad's ring alone. I've yet to deal with this inert personality of mine, and I knew he had it. & I don't blame him.

The next few hours were spent in the library, wallowing in books and notes and papers and pens. 

& now, here I am.

Firstly, Amsyar & his goofs can go grow titts cause they cancelled the late night outing at the very last minute when they had all made me oh so excited. PFFFFFT!

ANYWAY, meeting the rempah model and my newly acquainted gian partner Elyssa was refreshing, after eons of not seeing both the Springfield people. Abundant photos were snapped, and roars of laughter was common during the meetup. Ranging from laughing at my own stupidity of handling Mar's phone's camera, to the secret affair with Elyssa in which only Mar understands(?) and the 'same same'(glaglagla!), it was all a blast. 

& Mar, I'm all against cruelty to animals, but not! aniMENGS! I just think your fellow friend ought to get some gunshots in her airy head. I told Mar if I was in her shoes, I'd just be a pure mean bitch to that god damn friend of hers and endure her pathetic existence till I leave school, she shot me this quizzical reply ; 

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE(bersinar abes!) says:
hmm aku tknk jadi mean nor mode nor median



This is the reason why she's Mardhiah, I guess.

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That's all folks,
for now.
Mr Stad wants to treat me to some ice cream.
Sometimes, only he knows how to perk his fellow girlfriend up.
Till then

Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous

Current Mood:	creamyy
Current Music:	Bleeder

I feel like I'm at the end of crossroads, caught in the middle, staring into the sun. I don't want to be selfish but anger is still caught in the body. A little voice in my head says I should be fair to all, but that devil of vengeance is still holding on strong.

STUPID, REALLY STUPID.

-

& HAPPY 45th BIRTHDAY TO ALIJAH ABU BAKAR!
You're the prettiest, loveliest and mummiest mama I could ever search for.
Excluding several rough times we have had with each other, there's nothing that can beat a mother's love that you endlessly shower upon me all these years. You are the world to me, and I love you like a bee loves its honey ;]

Though things ain't right, you have been a good friend.
A happy birthday to you too, Aizat.

Current Mood:

How how how?

And I miss the little man in the house, Mr Amin Juman. He left for Pulau Tekong and won't be back till the 1st of next month. I'm definitely missing the moments of our little sibling talk every weeknight, bitching to him about ought-to-be-shot guyfriends as well as going all merry and gay with his friends and their frequent late nights. Am doesn't drop by as frequent to the house and I haven't been feeling minah-minah motor for a good five days.

Hoho, I'm helping a fellow 23 year old man to rekindle his secondary school years, and he's wallowing in self pity now, thinking of how he has been arrowed and stepped upon by his teacher back then when he was the chairperson of his class. Kahkah, pretty funny,since he describes himself as a pretty reserved boy. Lu funny la bruder.

And last but not least you lil immature prats, just because you have a dick and I don't, I still think you ought to have the brains to think rationally. If you think forcing is part of a man's ego, I suggest you grow some quality brain cells to replace those dysfunctional ones thats rotting in your useless head.

Till then, 
Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous

Making the most of a bad time, I'm smoking the brains from my head. It's almost hard to imagine living in this household, not a day without stepping out of the house teary-eyed, with a swollen, glum face. I'm tired of being bored.  I'm through with headaches at night. And my hands, they tremble like earthquakes and the mind starts to shake.  There will be a day when the silence of the house promises a exuberant start for a morning, only to be welcomed with a 'Good Mourning' instead. & the rest of the day gets adversely affected.

Watching the tyranny with sober eyes, the daybreak and the sunset. All hours in between spent murdering time and tugging close for a certain shape of hope. But when you lose hope, and start to cope, you find yourself running in circles once again. Was there even anything like that glimmer of light to even start with? 

You took me as a hostage and made your demands. I couldn't meet them and you cut me up one by one. And where do my rights come in during this mediation? Oh forget it. Good fucking bye

 


 


 

Some belated birthday pictures to share.
& guess what?
It's the brother's birthday but sadly, he's nowhere to be found.
Till then Amin Juman, happy birthday and merry ns-ing soon.

Lately, the word 'forgiveness' has been reiterating its definition to me. But REALLY, the question is, is he really worth forgiving. I find myself absolutely astounded to have declared my love for you in front of a friend, asserting to her that I had love for you and only you. Never once did it cross my mind that the word 'love' would be associated with you at all after all that thrash you 'showered' upon me. I feel anger and resentment ignited whenever I recalled reruns of the shits I was drowned with but nevertheless, the heart will be soothed once again with your profuse pleas and gentle demeanour. I have nothing to say but I'm certain I don't want you in my way.

 

Nurfat promised me she'll get her ass in front of the computer right after she finishes her dinner, but after a close call of approximately 2 hours later, I'm still left stranded. Tell me, how do I not get worked up? Nurfat, you're so gonna get monggified by me tomorrow. Sorry readers, mongmong is the 'in' thing now, yaw. A word only she the pisser, and me the pissed, understands.

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I don't know what that was for, but thats my rutinal life everyday. Going monggy with the schoolgirls as I'm spending almost the whole day with them nowadays, book-loving, book-loving and more book-loving. I've yet to reach the 'All-Book-No-Play' zone but I'm hoping to step into it as soon as possible. Supposedly, I should be working on my two English compositions now but as usual, those papers were misplaced. And don't ask me when I'm going to stop this habit of misplacing things.

Jack says he cares for a friend and suggested we hang out 'cause it's been a long time since we boozed around together. Macam paham! And oh, Adeela wants a meet-up tomorrow. How now brown cows? The timetable is jam packed with night classes and morning lessons that I reckon having no time to even have a decent hangover with those pals.  Oh, all in the name of O'Levels. And pushing my way through the reach out to my ambition of understanding the human psyche and helping those in emotional and mental distress. & I really hope its worth the fight this time.

Nisa,
the drop dead gorgeous

Current Mood:	pissed off
Current Music:	Stuck on you - Paramore

The devil we all love(the kid la sotong) He had a catfight? with one of the cousins and miraculously pulled out a few starnds of that poor girl's hair. And that poor girl was left wailing until we fed her some cake.
So I asked him whether he wanted to apologise. And he gave me this look.


This one is rather reserved but still runs around pretty a lot. He's Aqil and is very adored.


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I realised I overlooked on penning down how 21st August went, and directly plunged into writing those 2 'emo' entries before this. Many apologies for that.
so.
21st AUGUST
I was pretty much in luck as there was no school on that day and I had the whole day to myself.
The morning clan triggered the whole event by sneeking into papa's apartment, carried me off my bed and dunked me into the bath tub which was brimmed with cold water before hand. And rest assured, I didn't drown nor died but was apparently hyperactive throughout the day, due to the pumping adrenaline. Then they boozed around at the house while I got myself ready. Me with the party hat and them with the 'It's her birthday' tees(which had arrows pointing), we left the house and headed to the west side of Singapore for the 'innocent' birthday treat. Since they recalled my allergy to durians and how much I think they're really not cool, they had that as the main ingredient in the 2kg birthday cake. Appalled!, but I did have a slice. After walloping the fine dishes of this very exotic restaurant, we met my coussy woussy and she treated us to this very fine fondue. Lovely! From the strangers who wished me 'Happy Birthday' to their crazy antiques and all that jazz, I loved the time with them! THANKTHANKTHANK YOUS!

& yes, not forgetting the thoughtful birthday wishes, the prank calls, the 'Birthday Wishing Company'..
& of course, the gifts and pressiexsxsxsx!
THANKS ALOT.
& Danniel, me house is almost morphing to look like a florist shop with your 10 bouquets of roses. & sorry, cause no matter how frequent I change the water everyday, I still think they're starting to rot. Hoho, I just find it sweet when guys present girls with bouquets or even a stalk of flower ;)
& I'm still wondering when I'm gonna don that customized 'Nisa is the sex..... BOMB' tee. GLAGLA, I think I shall just frame it? Gah, you guys rockzxzxz!

& at night, I cabbed to the east side of Singapore this time round to meet the cranky schoolgirls! Hohoho, I was and still am very touched cause Nur Fatihah Abdul Rahim fitted on a hot pink tee cause she knows how much I love seeing her sooooo feminine. Kahkah. They treated me to New York Pizza and boy, was my stomach beginning to bloat. I took some bites of the cute lil chocolate fudy cake and brought the rest home. With that, we're off to the toilet for to pee and do what we do best, camwhore. That banana has yet send me the pictures but we're hot. TEEHEE

Intersecting the weeks were more mini celebrations, and yesterday marked the last, and that was with the relatives. AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE GUCCI WALLET FROM SAN DIEGO! 
Many thanks to the uncle cum part time A Math tutor cum engineer cum one-who-travels-a-lot cum everything else.

With that, I think I'll be topless till O'Level ends(laptop-less la!)
Till then
Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous 
and the very happy birthday girl :)))))

Fantastic weekends didn't really mark a tick on my checklist, but I'm pretty glad I feel so much more calm now. Be it with that nicotine brat or numerous chirpy friends, I had my fair share of laughter today. And though I've been out for practically the whole day, be it first meeting those beloved madrasah girls in the early hour and throwing the rest of the day with merely crackles of laughter and several tears of vexation with the clan, I'm glad I've straightened myself out. & thanks a lot for those hugs and kisses and attempts of drawing a smile on my face. I appreciate it with utmost sincerity ;]

Yesterday was the second meeting in the month for the TKPees, and I'm so touched by our spirit of togetherness though we have our own paths to take now. Those kids and I have been meeting each other for two consecutive weeks, doing some catching up, teeny weeny bit of study and do what we do best; slumber. Oh yes Hussy, I love the guys too. The Hazimento, Omars, Afan and rare appearance of the beanie dude, Syafiq; they make the girls' Saturday simply entertaining with fits of giggles and roars of laughter every now and then. We boozed at Omar's till late night, watching 'Scoundrel' and sniffing Hazim's body soap. HOOHAA, I love those boys, and the girly girls too of course. I  just find their companionship so warm and gentle. Oh, who can forget Omar's hairy legs, Hazim's Vespa-rider nenek and Afan's band? Hussy Wussy lesby antiques and Idah's girly self. And I'll be the one grinning to myself, seeing how those friends of mine never seem to change. ;] 

My eyes are almost droopy, and I'm still facing this machine. School tomorrow Oh tell me something I don't know Time to park the keyboard I guess. Goodnight ;]

Nisa, 
the drop dead gorgeous

Current Mood:

complacent

We have no idea where we're going, lodged in life like branches in a river, flowing downstream, caught in the current of our rutinal lifes, sometimes even prejudiced against our own thinkings. I find myself freezing this glass case of flowing emotions, just to contain peoples' reactions. And now, I find myself so deranged, so exhausted of having perceived that all those sacrifices were just left unnoticed, not even given a second thought at.

I wish to, want to commence a new happy meal for the soul that's hungry for liberation from God's continuous tests, but am almost always greeted with the same sad ending, returning back to square one, starting all over again from zilch. I never wanted to be born inadequately. I never wanted to have a unhappy parents. Nor crying siblings. Or a dysfunctional household, prefarably known to you as a home. I never dreamt of nightmares, but you gave me an acute introduction. All those string of 'familiarities' thrown to me like a hungry,gaping dog, in which you treat with zero respect : how do you think I would feel? Would you like those things to be dunked into you too the same way you do me? I don't wish to retaliate 'cause I respect you. All those times you left me teary-eyed in buses, breaking down in front of clueless friends and set me thinking of alternatives? Aren't you supposed to be my wonderwall? Aren't you suppose to be my cushion to fall back on after a long day? Whatever happened to love? 

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MAJULAH SINGAPURA!
As you grow older, you get younger
May you produce more hot and pretty citizens.

Yesterday, Mr Sleek came over since he couldn't fetch me from school, given his sorry sorry school dismissal time that was stretched due to his class's( mainly his) mischief. Don't probe me on what he did. The 'Mr Mischief' tee he donned yesterday clearly did him some justice, ay? We were messing around in the house till we got bored of each others' jokes and riddles. 

"Banyak-banyak camera, camera ape yang boleh tembak?"
Among all cameras, which one has the ability to shoot, or rather fire.

"Kalau Allah maha Kaya, Dato' maha apa?"
* Joke most suited to Muslims or Malays even.

Crack your brain cells and I'll reveal thee the answers in the next post. 

Eventually, he asked me out to view the fireworks. & given that I couldn't keep my sorry ass at home, I nodded in agreement to his suggestion. We went out, bumped into his friends, and millions more of Dunmanites and finally secured a spot to view those fine displays. While doing so, I was reinstating my wish to Mr Sleek how I actually had this day planned formerly when I was with Hyqhel Stad, how I thought spectating the fireworks with him would mark a perfect event for our long due relationship. And his reply was simple; "Forget this thing called love. It's a waste of time." & seconds later, he told me he quoted it off a song -.- 

Still, he's still so him. Though I spent that night with an acquaintance I barely know, I'm glad he made yesterday worthwhile his time and mine cause surely, he's a good entertainer ;] Mr Sleek, you're so adorable. & have I told you he's got hair like Shaan? Those langsir kinda hair that you have to literally push them up with your palms just so you can see his eyes and brows. Oh glory! So you can imagine, most of the time I'd be speaking to a bunch of messy hair. 

& oh oh, my prappypartner is going for her second date today! Did I mention, she caught a reeeeaaal big fish this time? Kahkahkah, have fun missy! To think I waited with her for her date to turn up yesterday just so I can get a glimpse of that oh so unfortunate(kiddin') guy. But no o o, he's so fine. Eh eh? So, call me beep me squeeze me for updates.

You're the Seeker that failed to catch the Snitch - my heart
Dear Mr Stad, I' m not moving on too fast. I just don't want to be engulfed in your misery anymore.

NDP later and I'm ready to rock my ass off with the clan and other fellow Singaporeans.
Now, who's with me?

Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous.

Current Mood:	complacent
Current Music:	Let the flames begin

I miss this alien from mars(Omars) so much and the late night talks and hearing him stoning on the phone(literally) when he's wordless.
& I think he caught Plainsunsets during Baybeats without me.
GAH! All due to prelims!

As the geeks knows it, Prelims kicked start yesterday.
English being first, and today was SS.
Priya's mighty predictions(give that aci some credits la) proved right when Governance was tested for the SBQ.
Armed conflict was done with the faintest memory of previous months memorising but I think I'm pretty contented.
Its boring talking about school, ain't it?

Weekends was great nonetheless.
Though the main goal was studying outdoor, there was still the joy in it.
& the crappy pattiness of several new found friends and several known ones were unleashed. 

Paramore's blasting through the speakers and I hear the library as well as the schoolgirls(Len, At) calling my name. So much for this sheer motivated spirit, wish me all the luck as I take on this Prelims.

Now blast!

Nisa, the drop dead gorgeous

ps. I'm willing to turn lesby for Haylie Williams. Oh glorryyy, Oh HAYLIEEEE

Current Mood:	bouncy
Current Music:	Brighter

If you can actually take this time to realize that you always shut your eyes in the midst of trial. And pretend everything is always right. But I think that it's time this battle must be won. But you pushed it aside, pretend that it's gone.

Or maybe it's merely because of the simple fact that the butterflies ain't there anymore, nowhere roaming in the tummy . I loathed you for all the wrongs you committed but the love and affection you showered upon me after realising your doings, and even going to the extent of taking care of my poor, beloved sick mother showed so much more. The way you took care of her when even I, as her own daughter, couldn't. To put it simply, it would be effortless for you to get me sworn over into your deceitful trap again. You succeeded in leaving trails of glory in myself about you, but maybe afterall, my heart really meant the 'No Entry' sign it carved on itself the day you cheated on me. 

Quit requesting for any kind of meet-ups and stop being so affectionate towards me and my mother. 

My heart is yours? Maybe not anymore.

But sadly for his case, the lady happened to posses a level of intelligence so high, so high that the boy could not grasp, & she managed to see through his white lies and dirty tricks. 

Are you with the lady now?

Nisa,
the drop dead gorgeous

Current Mood:	gloomy
Current Music:	We are broken